'Why's he so jel for"....

So last night was The Only Way is Essex, also known as the highlight of my weekend. And I personally think that last night’s was too good to go unspoken about, there were actually times when I shouted “Don’t do it!” at the TV (Lucy agreeing to go on a date with Kirk) and doing the old “ooooo he did NOT just say that” (Kirk’s comment of “who are you anyway you’re just an extra” to Maria).

So anyway lets start at the beginning. Queen of Essex Amy looked (as always) stunning, but absolutely out-did herself in Minnie’s boutique in that first multi-coloured maxi dress. Who care’s if you can dance OK in it? When you look that good, you could stand still in the corner for the whole night and you’d still steal the show. As for the bikini, I’d say move on up to a medium, I know the saying “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” but it’s like she said, you don’t want to be flashing on the beach in Marbs!

The Arg and Lydia fight made me so sad. They seem like such a cute couple but clearly things aren’t always smooth sailing. She say’s he’s gone from being totally in love with her and devoting all his spare time with her, taking her out for meals and away on holiday, to not answering her calls or caring how she feels. Now that’s bad enough after only a few weeks (and I should know!) but they’ve been together too long for him to start letting standards slip. It probably is something genuine like just forgetting to call her back because he’s out with Mark (oh Mark, always getting the blame) but there’s still no excuse to make her cry like she was last night. Anybody else want to give her a huge hug? The best bit was when he went “I think we need a few days apart so you can calm down” erm SORRY? I think that’s totally the wrong thing to say, but then that’s just personal opinion, I’d want him to be like right I’m turning my phone off and we’re going to spend the next 48 hours in bed watching chick flicks, and eating Chinese (I’m a simple being really).

On to the big one: the Kirk - Lucy – Lauren Pope triangle. Here’s the background: Kirk and Lauren get together and make the cutest couple ever! She wants to stay with him forever and get married; he seems to feel the same. Then he see’s all the new talent around Essex and decides he’s a rubbish boyfriend and breaks up with Lauren, breaking her heart and feeling the wrath of her best friend Maria (with the most perfect teeth in the world) along the way. So what’s a newly single young Essex man to do eh? Well of course it’s to chat up Lucy, Mark Wrights ex (much to Joey Essex’s disgust, his face was priceless) and take her out on a date. Except this date happens to be in the same place Lauren Pope and Marie are sharing a nice drink, and talking about how much they hate men. Kirk and Lucy walk in, and Kirk announces to the man on the tables ‘sit her down for a minute will you’ (and of course they give her the table facing Lauren and Maria).

So just to add fuel to the fire, Kirk goes over and demands Lauren speak to him, even offering to ditch his date with Lucy there and then. Cue Maria hurling a barrage of abuse to both Kirk and Lucy in equal measures (I wouldn’t like to get on her wrong side) and finally leaves Kirk and Lauren too it, only when she’s made Lucy cry and run out of the restaurant. Drama!

There were a lot of negative comments about Maria last night on Twitter because of this, but give the girl a break! Any girl who’s had to sit and watch her best friend have her heart broken will know how painful it is, and how you’ll say and do anything to make her feel better, so all last night proves is that Maria is actually a really caring and kind friend (with a very fiery temper).

So should Lucy have gone on this date? She knows Lauren Pope quite well, and knew it would get back to her, but on the other hand both her and Kirk are single, so why shouldn’t they?

I had to feel sorry for both Lauren and Lucy, but I mostly feel sorry for Kirk. I don’t actually think he’s a dick if I’m honest, just a little bit lost and confused, like a lamb trying to find it’s was back to the flock (strange description but I think it fits quite nicely).

So will Lauren take Kirk back?

Will Amy decide that her boobs need restraining into a size medium bikini top?

Will Arg give Lydia too much space and end up breaking her heart (although she’ll always still have Mr Darcey)?

And will poor Joey essex ever get the girl?

Wednesday, hurry up please……